Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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