Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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