Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we should paint friendship bongs
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