i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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