So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
