I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
