Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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