i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think im going to throw up on grandma
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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