i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
