u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
