As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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