he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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