remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
