Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
