Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
