Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
