i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
