Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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