Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
