does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
