My Higher Power is John Stamos
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
