All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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