drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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