Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
