She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
