I puked a lego.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
