All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
