Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
