We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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