dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
