So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
