How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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