dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
