Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
