How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
