Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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