Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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