Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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