We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
