Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
