All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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