Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
