so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I touched a dick in church today
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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