I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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