Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
