She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
