I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
