hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
