im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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