so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
