I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
